It's A Wonderful Life, Sasuke (Rewrite)
by erinkateeboo
Summary: Two brothers wish the exact same thing at the exact same time. "I wish I didn't have to live with myself." When their guardian angel switches Itachi into Sasuke's body, and Sasuke into Itachi's, what will they learn about each other? NO yaoi
1. Prologue

It's oddly remarkable how things in life work. Like coincidences, for example.

A mind-boggling example of a coincidence would be that two brothers from the exact same clan from the exact same town were outside on the exact same night at the exact same time looking at the exact same shooting star wishing the exact same thing at the exact same time.

_I wish I didn't have to live with myself._

The oldest, Itachi, had a difficult fact to live with. He had been ordered by the Hokage to kill his entire clan, since his father was planning to take over Konoha with the rest of the Uchiha clan. Itachi was hated by everyone, and he was tired. The only person he couldn't bring himself to bring was his little brother, Sasuke. How could he? He cared more about Sasuke than anyone. Every day, he thought of Sasuke, and waited for the day that he would avenge the clan by killing him.

Was Sasuke strong enough to face Itachi? He had no idea- the only way to tell was to wait. So, every day, he did just that. Waited for his brother to end his life.

The youngest, Sasuke, on the other hand, was simply angry. Why Itachi had killed his clan, he had no idea why. Why Itachi had kept him alive to suffer, he also had no idea why. He wanted nothing but to avenge his clan by killing his brother in a most painful way. But where was he? It seemed like every time he got closer to Itachi, he would disappear. He was always one step ahead of him, and Sasuke would have to track him down over and over again.

Sasuke hated everything and everyone. He hated Konoha, his best friends, his sensei, and, most of all, Itachi. When would he find him and avenge his family? Was he strong enough? His future held nothing but questions. He was filled with anger and regret. Regret that he was never able to stop Itachi.

At the exact same time, the two thought about how stupid this was- wishing on a shooting star? Two brothers, complete enemies, both rogue criminals, wishing on a shooting star. They couldn't help but smirk as they both thought this.

It's very amazing how it all worked. They had done everything at the same time. Not one second off. Not even a half second off. Not anything off.

Little did they know that night, that moment, would change their lives forever.


	2. Amane

Amane hurried along the golden-paved path, leading to a grand building. It was a beautiful day, like it always was, but Amane had no time to stop and smell the roses.

"I'm late again," Amane muttered to herself, looking at the clear skies above. _I'll never become a guardian if I keep this up._ The wind blew her long, aqua hair into her eyes, and she hastily brushed it away from her crimson eyes.

Shuffling through the messenger bag slung on her shoulder, Amane snatched an envelope and began running toward the building- where all the guardian angels worked their magic.

It was Amane's favorite delivery place- she hoped with all her heart that someday, she would be one of the guardians. They were all so amazing and inspiring, and she looked up to each and every one of them. But, for now, she was just a young, insignificant messenger.

_Someday,_ Amane told herself, stopping right in front of the building. Reverently, she pulled open the great, elaborate golden doors and stepped cautiously inside.

Usually, the place was bustling. But when Amane shut the door behind her, all she could see was the empty lobby before her, and all she could hear was the loud _boom_ of the door behind her as it closed.

Puzzled, she looked around. "Hello?" she called. Her voice echoed off the walls of the empty room. "Where is everyone?" she asked herself quietly. Hesitantly, she began to slowly inch deeper into the room, still feeling unworthy to be there.

"I have a message," Amane called out again. "From the Council. I was told it was urgent. Is anybody here?" It was no use continuing to call out- Amane walked into the first door to the first computer room, and it was empty as well. This was especially unusual- the guardian angels would take short breaks, but nobody would ever get the day off.

The room was large and circular. The tables that held the screens were formed in a large ring around another smaller ring of desks, then another smaller one in the very middle. If one were to see it from above, it would look like a big target. In the middle of the smallest ring was a large, cube-shaped monitor. Each side of the monitor was its own screen, so that the angels could see it from each side. This was the monitor that warned the angels of emergency situations.

And that's exactly what it did just then.

As Amane was standing there, awestruck in her admiration for the great room, the large screen in the middle let out a loud wailing sound. Letting out a startled "oh!" Amane whipped her head up to stare at the red flashing screen.

_Emergency_

_Computer #6_

_Himiwari_

"No," Amane said out loud. _I have to do something!_ She looked frantically around. Where was Computer #6?

Her question was soon answered as her eye was caught by another smaller flashing screen within the outer ring of tables. Without thinking, Amane quickly ran to Computer #6 and clicked the screen. The loud siren ceased, and was replaced with a quiet beeping from the smaller computer in front of Amane. Two names popped up on the screen:

_Itachi Uchiha_

_Sasuke Uchiha_

Two similar looking pictures of two different men popped up with the names. As Amane was not a guardian, she wasn't all too familiar with the inhabitants of earth. But she had heard about the sad story of the Uchihas before. The story was not yet finished, but she wasn't sure she was looking forward to the ending.

Although their guardian angel, Himiwari, was supposed to take care of the situation, Amane figured that she had to do something in her stead. Nervously, she clicked the screen again, and watched the scene go down.

_I wish I didn't have to live with myself,_ two voices said in unison as a shooting star fell across the sky and vanished. Two pairs of dark eyes twinkled from the light of the starry sky above them, before they both smirked and turned away.

She wasn't sure why, but at that moment, she was willing to do anything she possibly could to help the two. "I have to find Himiwari immediately!" Amane said out loud. Picking up her stray envelope from where she had hastily thrown it on the desk, Amane turned and started towards the door.

She didn't get very far before the door opened and in swarmed a large group of flustered guardians.

"An emergency just had to happen while we were all in a meeting with a Council member!" one cried out frustratedly.

"What is it? What's going on?" said another.

"HEY! That's my computer!" Amane looked up at the source of the voice- a livid guardian with long silver hair and a beautiful, angry face marched up to Amane and shoved her aside. "Out of my way, scrawny messenger!"

Amame stumbled from the force of the impact as Himiwari quickly took over the case. "Hm," Himiwari said aloud. The whole room had gone quiet, curiousity getting the better of them. "It's just the Uchiha brothers. Again."

An angel, groaned from the other side of the room. "You have to do something about them! It's getting out of hand!"

"It's not my place to interfere, Sora!" Himiwari snapped back. "This is their story, and only they can figure it out for themselves."

"Hang on," said another angel. All eyes turned to her as she stood, flipping through a large book. "The rule book states that if one's guardian angel isn't there to immediately aid them in an emergency, the angel who is there to provide help first is the one responsible for the emergency, as well as the mortals."

At this bit of information, the guardian angels turned to face Amane. "What?" Amane said. Then, realizing that she had sounded sharp, she quickly cleared her throat. "Um, with all due respect," she said quietly, "I did nothing. I didn't help them in any way. All I saw was the problem. I was about to go find their guardian when all of you showed up."

Himiwari snorted. "And what was a messenger doing in this room in the first place? This is a guardian-only zone. Leave!"

"Hey, not so fast!" another angel cried, briskly walking to Amane's side. "She was here, ready to do something about it. Every time the Uchiha brothers have an emergency, you just shove it to the side!"

"I told you," Himiwari growled, glaring daggers at the angel beside Amane. "It's not my place to interfere. This is their battle, not mine. So I do things a little differently. Get over it, Teruko."

"Yes, it is! You are a guardian angel! And the story of the Uchihas breaks my heart." Upon saying this, Teruko's voice choked a little, and she wiped a tear from her eye. Suddenly, she turned to face Amane. "Please, Amane. It's now your duty to watch over the Uchiha brothers. They're good men- they deserve a guardian angel who will care for them."

Soon, all the angels eyes were, again, on Amane. They were nodding in agreement. "But... I'm not a guardian! I can't do this! I don't know how!"

"Of course you can! None of us were in here when the emergency warning came on. It was meant to be!" Teruko took Amane's empty hand.

"Yeah! And just by trying to do something about it, you helped them already!" another cried out.

"Whether you like it or not, you're their new guardian!" Teruko said excitedly.

"Please, I can't!" Amane was beginning to panic. "I'm not like all of you. You have to understand. This was all just an accident, and I happened to be here for it. I don't know how to be a guardian!"

"What's going on in here?" Suddenly, a familiar voice rang out as the door opened. "Why all the yelling?" A tall, slender angel swept into the room, her long, shiny blonde hair swishing behind her, and relief swept over Amane upon seeing the familiar woman. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding.

The newcomer looked around at the angels before her emerald eyes fell on Amane, and a puzzled expression crossed her face. "A-Amane? What are you doing here?"

Amane pulled her hand away from Teruko. "Onii-sama!" she cried as she rushed to her sister's side. "Please, help me. I've gotten myself into a difficult situation, and I don't know what to do. And... what are you doing here?"

"I was in a meeting," Amaya said. She looked around the room. "I said, what is going on here?" she asked sharply.

"It's her duty, Amaya," another new voice chimed in. "She was the only person in the room when the emergency regarding the Uchihas happened, and she was the first to act. Therefore, she is a guardian angel!"

Surprise traced Amaya's features as she glanced at her younger sister. "Is... is this true?" she asked mostly to herself.

"Oh, don't listen to them," Himiwari finally piped up. "I've got this."

"No," Amaya said firmly in her crystal voice. "I'm afraid you don't 'got this.' You never 'got this' with the Uchihas. Amane," she turned to her sister, a small, gentle smile on her face. "May I talk to you? Outside?"

Amane gulped, but nodded her head once. "Yes, Onii-sama," she said quietly.

Amaya looked back up at everyone. "Everyone back to work," Amaya commanded. Her voice rang out like a bell. "Now! Stop wasting time!"

Immediately, the guardians turned to their screens and continued working, and the two sisters quickly left the room.

Suddenly, Teruko began to snicker to herself.

"What is so funny?" The angel working next to her raised her eyebrow curiously.

"Oh, Chieri," Teruko smiled smugly at the angel. "You must not know much about their relationship." She flipped her fiery red hair behind her shoulders.

"What? Is that important somehow?" asked Chieri, her blue eyes questioning.

"Amane will do anything her sister tells her to do. And I mean _anything_." Teruko looked back at the screen she was working at. "I don't think we have to worry about her telling us no anymore."

**:)**

"You seem distressed, Amane," Amaya remarked, sitting gracefully on a marble bench by a running creek. They had arrived under the shade of the beautiful forest, and Amaya closed her blue parasol that matched her flowing blue and white dress. "What is troubling you?" She smiled, patting the seat beside her.

Amane hesitated, but sat down next to her sister. "I can't do it, Onii-sama," Amane said as calmly as she could. "I can't be a guardian. Not yet. I'm not ready for such an important responsibility."

Amaya smiled at Amane. "That envelope you've been holding," she remarked. Why don't you open it and take a look?"

Amane, surprised she had been holding the envelope the whole time, looked down at it. "It's addressed to Himiwari," she mused.

"Open it," Amaya said again.

Amane glanced at her sister before carefully opening up the envelope and taking out the silver paper inside.

"Now read it," Amaya said.

Amane unfolded the tiny paper and proceeded to read aloud: "Himiwari," it read. "If you keep ignoring your mortals, you will be removed as a guardian angel. DO SOMETHING. -The Council."

"Himiwari is like that with all her mortals," Amaya sighed sadly. "The way the system works is that each mortal is divided alphabetically among the guardian angels. The problem with the system is that some mortals are not meant to have the guardian angels that they have. Therefore, the guardians do their best, but they don't feel that connection they would feel if it were meant to be." Amaya sighed again. "We don't have enough time to let everyone find who they're supposed to be a guardian to- it would take too much time to do it that way. Therefore, the mortals are assigned. That's why so many unnecessary, bad things happen on Earth- sometimes the guardians just... don't care. I tried to change it, but it'll never work. I'm only one voice in the council, and it would take time that we don't have. This is the best we can do."

Amane frowned. "So you're siding with everybody else," she remarked bitterly.

"What are you feeling right now, Amane?" Amaya ignored her sister's annoyed look.

Amane thought for a moment. "I feel like I really care about those two brothers," she said honestly. "I mean, I _really_ care about what happens to them. But I'm not worthy to be their guardian," she said.

"Why do you care so much?" Amaya asked.

"Well, I... um... I just do." Amane was surprised at her sudden feelings towards the brothers. She had always wished for the best for the two of them, but now she felt that she had to have the best for them. But how could she give them what they deserved?

Amaya's beautiful face broke into an excited beam. "That's it! You feel the connection! Don't you see, Amane? This is meant to happen. You have to be theirs! The whole reason that rule exists is because the instant you do something about it, no matter who their guardian angel was before, the connection switches to the one who helped. That's you, Amane!"

"Onii-sama, you aren't listening to me!" Amane cried, panicking all over again. "I am not trained to be a guardian angel. I'm not like you," Amane motioned to her beautiful sister. "I'm not on the Council because I'm too good to be a guardian. Why don't you take over instead?"

"Hey," Amaya placed a hand on Amane's bare shoulder. "I'll be with you every step of the way, if you need me. I cannot do it for you, but I am here for you. Always."

"But... I-"

"Amane." Amaya's bell-like voice became flat and slightly annoyed. "Just do it."

Silence fell between the two, and Amane stared down at her hands, resisting for as long as she could before a reply flew from her mouth without permission.

"Oh, very well," she said, not meaning to sound snappish. "What would you advise me to do? And when do I start?"

* * *

**Wussup.**

**This is my rewrite of my most popular fanfiction. I was originally going to do it from the support of my original readers, but I realized, since it had been so many years, most of them have probably moved on. So, I realized that other people may be interested- why not go forward with it?**

**To my original readers: first of all, I changed my pen name from ugala5777 to erinkateeboo. So I'm not some random person who stole the story! This is my story :) Secondly, what do you think about the new Amane? I tried to make her more likeable than before, and so far, I like her better already. I hope you do too! :)**

**Review and let me know what you think so far,**

**-erinkateeboo**


	3. The Accident

"Hurry UP, Itachi! We have to GO!" Kisame was standing in the door frame, practically yelling at the top of his lungs.

Itachi faced the full-length mirror at the foot of his bed and adjusted his headband. "One moment, Kisame. Just be patient for a second, will you?"

"Ugh," said Kisame, leaving Itachi alone in his room. The pair was getting ready to go on yet another mission to capture the Kyuubi. They had failed to kidnap him every time- the little freak was somehow so elusive. Itachi was always having to go on this mission, since he was from Konoha and knew his way around best.

He hated having to go. Every time he went, he got homesick all over again, and the ghost of his past haunted him stronger when he was there. But what could he do? He couldn't turn down a mission.

Itachi closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh. At least Sasuke wasn't there anymore.

_Are you ready for me, Sasuke? Are you strong enough to defeat me?_

"Itachi Uchiha?"

An unfamiliar voice pierced his thoughts. Itachi's mangekyou eyes flew open and he quickly turned to face the stranger.

His eyesight was deteriorating, but he could see that whoever was in his room was someone he had never before encountered. It was a young woman- her aqua hair fell nearly all the way down to her feet, and her eyes were large and crimson, lined with thick lashes. She was petite and small, and she wore an elegant, sleeveless white gown. The strangest thing about her, however, was that she had no chakra.

Immediately, Itachi crouched into a fighting stance and whipped out three shuriken, tucked between his fingers. "Who are you?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes.

The woman's eyes widened, and she held up her pale hands. "I'm not here to fight, Itachi. I-"

"How did you even get into the lair?" Itachi interrupted. "Only an Akatsuki member knows how to get in. And I've never seen you before." _This must be some kind of clone jutsu_, he thought to himself.

"Please, Itachi. I'm not a ninja. You have to listen to what I say-" The woman never finished her sentence, because Itachi acted quickly. Swiftly, he flung the three shuriken from his hand, and one at a time, they struck the woman in the chest. She gasped in shock, but nothing happened. She didn't disappear the way a clone would have.

Itachi watched in surprise as she looked down at the three shuriken stabbing her chest, and promptly pulled one from her skin.

_What?_ Itachi thought, his eyes widening in shock. _There's no blood- she's not even phased by the impact!_

The woman dropped the clean, bloodless shuriken to the floor, then proceeded to remove the other two, dropping them to her feet as well. Itachi could see the stab wounds, simply dark gashes in her pale skin, healing themselves instantly.

"That was rude," she said simply. "I told you, I'm not here to fight," she said, held up her hands. "Please, just listen to what I have to say."

Itachi continued to analyze her from where he stood. Clearly, she was no ninja- she was so petite, and had no muscle. And the way she was dressed as though she were some kind of goddess wasn't exactly the way a ninja would dress.

"What are you?" Itachi muttered. "Are you even human?"

The woman shook her head. "No. My name is Amane, and I am an angel."

**:)**

Sasuke was having a similar experience.

"Chidori!" he yelled out as a ball of lightning materialized in his palm, lighting up the dark night.

Amane didn't have a chance to think. Sasuke ran at the speed of light and slammed his lightning-filled hand into her stomach, making her stumble against a tree behind her.

But before Sasuke knew it, the lightning was drawn out of her hand, into the woman's body, and had vanished.

_Impossible! Her body absorbed the chidori. What kind of weird jutsu is this?_

With a wave of her hands, Sasuke felt his feet being lifted high off the ground, and then it was his turn to slam into a tree. As his body made contact with the bark, he let out a pained _oomph_. But instead of falling to the ground, he stuck there as though he were in a Velcro suit.

"Sasuke." What was even stranger was the fact that she didn't appear to be in any kind of pain. "Please. I have to talk to you. It's about your brother."

Immediately, Sasuke stopped trying to struggle against the strange jutsu, and he looked down into Amane's red eyes. "How do you know Itachi? What do you know about him?" His confusion and blind rage had turned to desperate curiosity.

"I'm his guardian angel, as well as yours," she stated, as though this were an every day normal thing to say. "You're both in trouble, and I'm here to help you."

"Stop saying that!" Sasuke said in exasperation. "Angels... they don't exist! They're not real!"

"I'm standing right here, aren't I?" Amane said.

"Even if they did exist... they have wings!" Sasuke was back to struggling, but it was no use. He was completely bound. "Where... are yours?"

Amane frowned up at him. "I haven't earned them, yet," she said forlornly. "I have to pass a test." She didn't mention that this test had to do with Sasuke and his brother.

"You speak in riddles," Sasuke grimaced down at the feminine figure below. "If you know me so well, then prove it!"

**:)**

"I know the truth, Itachi. The truth about your clan."

Itachi drew in a sharp breath. But it was quicker than most people would have noticed, and he quickly composed himself again. "The truth is that I killed them all to obtain my mangekyou sharingan. If you think otherwise, then you are wrong." He was still crouched in his stance, looking at the mental patient who thought she was an angel from across the room.

"You did it," she said quietly, "to stop a war from happening. The one person you couldn't bring yourself to kill was Sasuke, your little brother."

Itachi froze. "No," he said. "No. This can't happen. No one can know." There were only a select few who knew the true story of Itachi's past. But they were sworn to secrecy. Who would have told? When would Sasuke find out?

Itachi couldn't let that happen.

**:)**

"You want me to prove it? I can do that. Last week, you wished something on a shooting star. You wished that you didn't have to live with yourself."

Sasuke was quiet. How _did_ she know that?

"That... that still doesn't prove anything!" Sasuke quickly said before over thinking anything. "You might have seen me do it, you stalk-"

Before Sasuke could finish his insult, Amane shifted uncomfortably on the ground below. "You have a birthmark in the shape of a bulldog on your-"

"You sicko!" Sasuke screamed before she could finish her sentence. "You creep! You sicko-creepo!" Sasuke obviously wasn't thinking straight- he wanted nothing more but to hit this Amane in the face with his chidori, but he still couldn't move, and it wouldn't affect her.

Amane, who could sometimes be a little overly sensitive, drew in a sharp breath at the insults thrown her way. "What... what did you call me?" she said quietly.

Sasuke didn't hear her quiet voice. His eyes were raging as he looked down at her. "You're disgusting! I don't know where in my room you've been hiding, but I will find you next time, stalker!"

Amane's mouth dropped open, her eyebrows drawing together. "I an NOT a stalker!" she exclaimed, straightening and putting a delicate hand to her chest.

"You are too!" Sasuke yelled. "Now let me down! Dammit, let me down, you crazy hag!"

Sasuke had just made a huge mistake.

**:)**

In Itachi's moment of speechlessness, he could see the sudden change of Amane's expression. At first, she had looked submissive and calm. Now, in the blink of an eye, her expression turned dark, and a vein popped in her head.

"Being an angel," Amane began to explain, her voice dangerously low, "means that I can be in more place than one. In a sense, you are talking to a clone of me. This is not really me." She closed her eyes and straightened, her eyes straying from Itachi's. He wasn't sure what kind of attack she was planning, but he was ready, anyhow. "At the moment, I am also talking to Sasuke. And that little brother of yours just pissed me off." She drew in a deep breath. "Forgive me, Itachi. But it looks like that plan of yours to avenge the clan is about to change."

Suddenly, as if Amane had been shaking up a bottle of carbonated rage inside of her, she exploded and let out a cry of anger. As she yelled out, her eyes became beams of bright, blinding light. The next thing Itachi knew, his limbs were completely powerless, and he felt himself crashing through the window behind him.

**:)**

Amane screamed and banged her fists against the base of the tree. Sasuke could care less about the tantrum she was throwing. There had to be a way to get down- but how? He was completely powerless.

"You're a JERK, Sasuke!" Amane screamed. "The rudest jerk I've ever met!"

"You wouldn't be the first to say that," Sasuke said quietly, his head resting against the tree trunk. He let out a frustrated breath- no one should be able to beat him so easily, and he wasn't about to give up.

Until a bright light from beneath shone, and he was flung mercilessly through the air.

Now, the two Uchiha brothers were flying uncontrollably through the sky, both zooming straight at one another. Eventually, they met in the sky. But instead of colliding, the two flew straight through each other, as if they were spirits. Neither of them realized this, as they were moving so fast, but they both felt different somehow.

Suddenly, Itachi skidded across the grassy, forest floor, rolling ungracefully until he felt a tree trunk slam into his gut and stop his bumpy journey. He landed on the ground with a loud _thump_, and when he coughed, blood speckled the grass that was inches from his face.

Immediately, before his body could fully recover, Itachi opened his eyes and sat up with a groan, looking around the dark, clear forest around him.

Wait. _Clear_?

Itachi's vision was nearly perfect. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen so clearly. He could count the stars in the sky, or the leaves in the trees above, if he desired. What was happening?

Itachi rubbed his eyes and opened them again. Still clear.

And since when were his wrists wrapped in so many random bandages?

Looking down at his body, Itachi noticed that his clothes were completely different. His Akatsuki robe was missing, and his chest was exposed, skin paler than usual.

This was not his body. But it was familiar.

Thinking he must be crazy, he reached his hand up to feel his hair. His heart stopped when he felt the short spikes in his fingers. He was wearing no headband, either.

Ignoring his pain, Itachi shot up from the ground and ran through the trees. Surely this had to be a dream. Or a genjutsu.

Not long after he began running, Itachi came to the edge of a small clearing. In the middle was a little millpond. He immediately stopped running. Did he dare?

Before he could stop himself, he slowly began walking toward the edge of the pond, where carefree toads were croaking happily. He wished he was one of them at the moment.

Slowly, Itachi knelt down, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before looking over the edge of the pond. And all he could do was stare.

For staring right back at him from the water was his little brother, Sasuke Uchiha.

* * *

**Hello everyone!**

**There are a few things that I want to get straight before you get any further into the story:**

**This story takes place before their final battle. I'm not quite up-to-date with the Naruto series (I just barely started up again), and after Itachi died was about when I stopped watching. Mostly because Sasuke was pissing me off! Therefore, this story takes place WAY back when. So don't expect it to be at the same place in the series, because that is not happening ;) Just remember that as you're reading.**

**Make sure to review, and happy reading!**


	4. A PMSing Uchiha

"Augh..."

Sasuke's eyes reluctantly opened and filled with the light of day. This was strange, as his room was usually dark with a single candle dimly illuminating it.

But next to his bed, there was a window. A very blurry window.

_Where am I?_ Sasuke sat up, wondering what had happened the previous night. For some odd reason, he couldn't see anything clearly, but he knew that he was in a very unfamiliar place.

The bed he was in was pressed into a corner of what looked like a blood red wall. He couldn't see anything else as well, since his vision was so terrible, and no matter how he blinked and rubbed his eyes, his sight never became any more clear.

Aggravated, Sasuke stumbled out of the unfamiliar bed, his head pounding, and crashed into a large, black dresser. The items on the dresser toppled over, and a small, cylindrical container tipped off the edge and rolled onto the floor. Sasuke picked it up and studied it.

_Pills?_ He opened the lid and looked at the tiny, round black pills inside. _Did I somehow get drugged?_

Suddenly, Sasuke gasped. _Did I have a one-night stand?_

As this disturbing thought crossed Sasuke's mind, he ran his fingers through his long hair in exasperation.

Wait... _Long_ hair?

Somehow, his hair had grown past his shoulders, and had been tied back into a ponytail.

"Wha-what the...?" And why was his voice so much deeper?

_What the hell is going on? This can't be real. This has to be a genjutsu, or a dream_...

Feeling rather frustrated, Sasuke stumbled dizzily back and slammed into something. As he hit his already aching head, he heard the shatter of glass.

"OUCH!" He put his hand to the back of his head, which was now running with warm red blood. Sasuke turned to grimace at the inanimate object he had run into, ready to teach it a lesson with his fist, only to see that it was a large, full-length mirror. There was a web of cracks on the surface, branching out from where Sasuke had hit his head, along with a streak of blood trickling down the surface. But that's not what caught his eye.

The reflection in the cracked mirror was not Sasuke. It was Itachi.

"Itachi," Sasuke narrowed his eyes. How had he gotten in there? "You did this!"

As Sasuke crouched, ready to fight, Itachi did exactly the same.

"Wait a second," Sasuke muttered. Something wasn't right. Sasuke stood slowly back up, watching the reflection of Itachi mimic him. Sasuke waved his right hand, and Itachi did the same. Sasuke jumped high off the ground, and Itachi still copied him exactly.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "Oppa Gangnum Style!"

Just to see what would happen, Sasuke began to gallop in place like a horse, his wrists crossed. There was NO WAY Itachi would do this,

But he was wrong. Itachi danced along with Sasuke, as though they were having some sort of dance-off.

"Oh, it is ON!" Sasuke yelled. He placed his hands on his hips and galloped to the side. As he slid back in front of the mirror, Itachi's reflection reappeared. Soon, he was full-on dancing the popular dance, Itachi doing it right along with him to the beat of the music.

Sasuke wouldn't go down like this.

Wait. Hold up. _Music?!_

Sasuke spun around, only to see a familiar young woman with aqua hair, standing across the room with a jukebox in hand.

When their eyes met, Amane clicked the stop button on the player. "You're not very bright, are you?"

Embarrassment forgotten, Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "You," he growled. "I remember- last night, in the forest!"

Amane frowned. "That was three nights ago. You've been out for three days. Look, I'm sorry," Amane said. "This was all an accident. It was never meant to happen. But if YOU wouldn't have been so rude, none of this would have happened!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Wow, you really aren't too bright, are you?" Amane shook her head. "I put you in Itachi's body. It's... complicated." She motioned to the mirror. "He's not in the mirror. That's your reflection. Take a better look."

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, he could see clearly now (the rain is gone!), and he watched as Amane waved her hand again, fixing the shattered mirror behind him.

"You're wearing Itachi's clothes, and your hair is long," Amane said, raising an eyebrow at Sasuke. "Is this a normal thing for you to wake up to? Is that why you don't believe me?"

"Are you calling me stupid?!"

"I never said that!" Amane almost yelled back. "All I said was that you weren't very bright!"

"That's the same thing as stupid!" Sasuke yelled.

"No! I- ugh, nevermind. Just look in the damn mirror."Amane let out a frustrated huff.

Slowly, Sasuke turned back to the once again smooth surface of the mirror. There was no doubt about it- that face belonged to the one he hated most. And although it looked like Itachi, Sasuke knew that it wasn't.

Rage stabbed through Sasuke. He turned to Amane, fury written all over his face. "Where is Itachi?!" he yelled. "Answer me!"

"Where do YOU think he is, idiot?!"

**:)**

The same night the two brothers had encountered Amane, Itachi, being more clever than his younger brother, decided to attempt breaking this strange jutsu, rather than have a dance-off with his reflection.

_No way this chick is any angel_, he thought about the strange girl that had to have done this to him.

All through the night, Itachi had tried series of his own hand signs and jutsus, but they didn't do anything. And, being unfamiliar with his brother's body, it was much harder than it usually would have been to do any type of jutsu. Eventually, he sat down at the edge of the pond and stayed there for the rest of the night, wondering if this odd jutsu would wear off before the morning or not. But once he had fallen into a dreamless sleep for the rest of the night, then woke up at the break of dawn, nothing had changed. He was still... Sasuke.

The Uchiha pondered for a long time. He had NEVER heard of any jutsu as mad as this. So... what was it, anyways? Some ninja DID have their own special jutsu, so maybe this... Amane THING... had invented it herself. Perhaps he had underestimated her.

"Sasuke-kun? What are you doing out here?"

Ew, that voice sounded disgustingly familiar. It was a former Akatsuki member, one that had been Itachi's partner long ago.

Orochimaru.

Slowly, Itachi rotated his head to see the pasty-white freak staring at him. All that was on the Uchiha's mind was running over and tearing Orochimaru's head off rather violently. Hey, good idea. He was getting weaker, and there wasn't much time before he needed a new vessel, which was Sasuke's body.

_Sasuke, this is for you!_ Itachi thought as he whipped a kunai from a small pouch at his waist. Soon, he was charging at the creep. Maybe he couldn't do any impressive jutsu in Sasuke's body, but at least he could still fight!

Itachi jumped up in the air, letting out a battle cry, and brought the kunai down to stab the middle of Orochimaru's white forehead.

Swiftly, Orochimaru blocked the weapon, grabbed Itachi's wrist, and thrust his favorite student to the side. Itachi collided with a tree and slumped to the ground, but instantly stood and whipped a small shuriken at Orochimaru. This was also blocked.

"Sasuke, what are you DOING?" Orochimaru furiously questioned. "I came here looking for you! You weren't in your room, and I have a whole day of training ahead." Orochimaru glared suspiciously at the man who he thought was Sasuke. "Were you planning to kill me?"

Itachi stood hunched over, panting from the short encounter. There was no possible way he could take down Orochimaru in Sasuke's body- he was too powerful.

The sick creep licked his lips with his long, snakelike tongue and smiled. "Oh, Sasuke. I sure hope not. Because if you were, then that attack sucked. Is that the worst you can do? I know you're better than that."

Itachi saw a very slight seductive gleam in his eye as he advanced, walking slowly towards him. "Come on, Sasuke," Orochimaru said. "Show me what you've got." He came closer, then crouched down, ready to fight.

Itachi was disgusted. His little baby brother was willing to stay with this creature?

"Stop!" Itachi yelled, holding up his hands. "I'm sorry for attacking. You just caught me off guard. Just... don't come any closer." Itachi winced at his weakness. He would have to destroy Orochimaru when he was back in his own body, but for the time being, he just had to worry about figuring out how to get back into his own skin. Orochimaru could wait.

The seductive look was still in Orochimaru's eyes as Itachi straightened and walked the way Orochimaru had come from. And, to his surprise, the hideout was just through the trees beyond the small millpond.

_Dammit! Why didn't I see that before?_ It would have prevented poor Itachi the discomfort of all the poky sticks and rough grass.

_AUGH!_ He wanted to scream.

**:)**

_AUGH!_ Sasuke screamed. "Amane! Where are you?"

Stupid, stupid, stupid. This chick was SO not an angel.

Sasuke was standing in the middle of his older brother's room, inhaling and exhaling rather loudly. All he knew was that this wasn't a dream like he had hoped. He had pinched, slapped, and banged himself against the wall several times (in a way, it felt good, seeing as he was abusing Itachi's body ;). But nothing had changed. He was still in Itachi's room, in his body.

It really sucked.

Poor Kisame was in the wrong place at the wrong time as he knocked on the door. Sasuke watched the door open, without his consent, to see his brother's partner, a big happy smile on his face and a chocolate cake in his hands. "Hey, Itachi! I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and all. I made you this cake-"

Sasuke grabbed a pillow off of Itachi's bed and chucked it across the room at the tall blue man, hitting him directly in the face. "LEAVE!" Sasuke angrily commanded.

It was as if someone had taken a rag and, with one swipe, washed the goofy grin off of Kisame's face. His expression changed instantly to irritation as he dropped his creation of a cake.

"Sheesh!" Kisame stated angrily. "It must be THAT time of the month!"

Kisame didn't get another word in before the insane Uchiha got ahold of his brother's lamp on the dresser, knocking over a picture frame he hadn't paid attention to, and proceeded to throw it at Kisame. The lamp hit Kisame directly in the nose like the pillow. But, of course, this hurt even worse than the pillow.

"OUCH! OKAY, DAMMIT! I'M ****IN' LEAVING, WOMAN!"

The Hoshigake slammed Itachi's door, and Sasuke could hear his quick footsteps running away, and his faint voice, screaming: "Leader-sama! Itachi is PMSing!"

"Do you even know what PMSing is?" a deep voice called back.

The two voices faded, and soon Sasuke could no longer hear their words. He wasn't paying attention, anyhow- he was absolutely livid. He wanted to shred this Amane into microscopic pieces, but she had vanished and was nowhere to be seen. In fact, he wanted to destroy the whole world, he was so furious. But... he couldn't. His main focus was to kill his brother. And he only had one idea on how to do it in the current situation.

_If I'm in Itachi's body, then all I have to do is stab him in the heart RIGHT NOW. I don't care if I die. Just as long as Itachi's dead, then the clan is avenged. Everything's fine by me._

Sasuke smirked to himself. "Now, then," he said out loud. "Where does Itachi keep his weapons?"

* * *

**Hello! Me again, with another short message.**

**I know what you're thinking- Sasuke was so OOC! I must tell you to expect the characters to be OOC, for the most part. This fanfiction is meant to be a fun, lighthearted story. That's hard to do when some characters can be so... emotionless. That's not a bad thing, though!**

**Stick with me! The funnies begin here! Make sure to review, and thank you for reading :)**


	5. Awkward Moments

**BEFORE YOU READ: Just so you are aware, anything underlined is a flashback. Okay! Happy reading :)**

* * *

"Oh, SAAAASUUKEEEE!" Orochimaru called in a girlish voice, knocking on the door to his bedroom. "Time to train! Rise and shine!"

This was the disturbing thing that Itachi woke to.

The poor Uchiha popped his eyes open and groaned in annoyance as he sat up. It was such a drag that he had to live with stupid Orochimaru again. When he had left the Akatsuki, Itachi never would have guessed he would be staying with Orochimaru. EVER.

Itachi delivered the news to Pein. "Orochimaru... has left the Akatsuki."

Pein stared emotionlessly at Itachi. "Wait... what?"

"You heard me. Orochimaru is gone. Must I say it again?"

The leader slowly cocked his head to the side. "But... why did he leave?"

Itachi sighed. "Well, we were on our mission, when he tried to kill me so that I can be his next 'vessel,' or whatever. So... I punched him in the face and he let me go. Then he ran away, screaming... He also said he would never come back."

Pein seemed to be intensely taking this in as Itachi spoke of what had happened earlier that day. He nodded slowly as Itachi told the story. When Itachi finished speaking, there was an awkward silence.

"I'm very sorry, but I wasn't able to complete the mission with all of THAT happening.

There was another pause before the Rinnegan-eyed man spoke. "Let me get this straight. All you did was punch him in the face, and he let you go?"

Itachi almost winced at the memory. "Well... Yes," he said.

"How pathetic," Pein muttered. "Itachi, I'm surprised at you. You have NEVER failed to complete a mission before."

The Uchiha bowed his head to his leader. "I apologize, leader-sama. I promise never to fail a mission again, no matter what happens."

And, to his utter surprise, the leader grew a freakishly smug smile of his face. "That doesn't matter, Itachi. Orochimaru is gone!" Pein stood up from his desk to stand directly in front of Itachi, grabbing his shoulders and aggressively pushing them so that Itachi was now standing in an upright position. "I'll send Kakuzu and Hidan to finish your mission tomorrow. But Itachi, I always knew you were the best ninja in this organization! Orochimaru IS a good ninja and all, but now we don't have to worry about him and his creepiness ever again!" Pein's smug snmile had turned into a humungous, goofy grin by now, and he was jumping up and down in excitement. No one had ever seen him showing so much emotion... It was especially weird that such a solemn man could still have so much enthusiasm in him. "Well done, son! Well done! This... This CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION! WHOOPIE!"

All the young Uchiha could do was stare in wide-eyed shock as his leader literally bounced off the walls (and yes, I mean literally) before running outside of his candle-lit office, slamming the door and leaving Itachi gawking behind. The young man was frozen in place, listening to his leader running up and down the halls and stairs, screaming at the top of his lungs ("OROCHIMARU'S GONE, EVERYONE! LET'S PARTY!"). His footsteps sounded like they were too fast to even be possible- it sounded as if everyone in the Akatsuki was running around instead of just one disturbing man.

Pein's party had only lasted about five minutes before Pein was the only drunk one and Deidara and Hidan had locked him in a closet to merrily laugh with himself.

Itachi did nothing but think as he lay in bed that night. Could this possibly be his new worst night ever?

And what made matters worse was that the next day, Pein acted like he normally did. As serious as ever. Like he was not hung over, or like he had not just done the most freakish thing of all time the previous day. Not another word was said about it. No one wanted to remember that awful night.

Yes, Itachi was now scarred for life, worse than anyone else in the organization, as he had seen it all first.

Itachi shuddered at the horrible memory as he slipped on one of Sasuke's less revealing shirts (not wanting the body-stealing pedophile to see his little brother... exposed) and opened the door, only to see his former partner-in-crime standing there, a dangerous smile on his face.

"Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru drawled as he placed a blinding white hand on Sasuke's head, pissing off his older brother on the inside. "It's time to train! Let us go down to the dojo!

Itachi slapped Orochimaru's hand off his head. Was this really what Sasuke had to go through EVERY SINGLE DAY? "Get your dirty hands off of me," Itachi said, a little too calmly. "I have a headache, and I'm not up for training. Then, not a second after he had spoken, Itachi slammed the door and locked it behind.

_I almost forgot how creepy and suggestive he could act_, Itachi thought, leaning against the door and sliding to the floor (I just rhymed! :D). He felt like a wreck.

"Amane," Itachi muttered. He felt ridiculous, but he didn't know what else to do. "If you really are an angel, I'm sure you can hear me. If you can hear me..."

"I can hear you, Itachi!"

Itachi jumped, letting out a startled "AH!"

Amane's eyes widened. "I'm sorry!" she exclaimed. "I didn't mean to scare you! But you called for me?"

Itachi stared at the strange but beautiful girl, lost for words.

Amane wasn't surprised. She twisted a long strand of hair between her fingers, then shyly walked over to Itachi and gracefully sat beside him. "I'm guessing you want an explanation. I should have given it to you earlier, but..."

"But what?" Itachi prompted. "Why did you do this?"

Amane frowned. "Honestly, it was all an accident. This wasn't meant to happen..." She shook her head, brows furrowed. "When my sister saw what I had done out of anger, she was not pleased."

"Wait a minute," Itachi said. "Back up. You mean to tell me that you did this whole thing out of _anger?!_"

"Your little baby brother is a jerk! He was calling me names!"

"What could have been so offensive that you SWITCHED OUR BODIES?"

"Itachi! Don't make me do something even more stupid!" Amane's voice was getting louder, her cheeks pinker.

But Itachi didn't care. "Can't you switch us back? Why haven't you switched us back yet?"

Amane sighed. "It's not that simple," Amane said. "Once a guardian does something to help a mortal out of an emergency, it cannot be undone. Not easily, anyways. Plus... I kind of did the impossible." She shifted her eyes to the ground.

Itachi was pissed when he heard this.

Feeling his anger, Amane quickly looked up, making eye contact with the black eyes. "Sasuke isn't happy about it either," she said apologetically. "In fact, he was so angry yesterday that he literally went crazy. I just feel sorry for Kisame..."

"Wait... what?" Itachi looked up at Amane, puzzled. The petite angel gulped.

"Um, he attacked Kisame..." she drifted off.

Itachi frowned. "And?" he asked.

Amane just looked up. "That's it," she said.

For some reason, Itachi didn't believe her. But he asked no more questions.

**:)**

Sasuke was fishing through Itachi's closet, only to pull out exactly what he was looking for- a small brown pouch full of ninja weapons.

Sasuke smirked and opened it up before pulling out exactly what he had been looking for- a sharp, metal kunai.

He had hoped to kill his brother in a more painful way, but he was not going to let this opportunity swing by. He HAD to take advantage of it.

Sasuke felt a rush of adrenaline as he helt the blade of the Itachi's vulnerable chest, feeling the sharp end poke the surface of skin over his heart, which was thumping with thrill and excitement.

"See you in hell, Itachi," Sasuke said with a smile on his face. At least he would die happy.

And with that said, he lifted the blade and thrust it towards Itachi's heart...

...Before a slender hand stopped it from behind.

Sasuke had successfully drawn blood, but it had only stabbed through a few layers of flesh before he felt a pair of strong, yet skinny legs wrapping around his waist, and skinny pushing the blade away with super strength. The Uchiha's chest dripped with blood, oozing from the small stab wound, and Sasuke fought with all his might to thrust the kunai all the way through his chest. But it was no use.

"How..." he gritted through his teeth, tugging at the kunai. "How... can such a scrawny bitch... stop me...?"

Suddenly, a fist pounded him on the back of the head. "What do you think you're doing?" cried a strained voice into his ear. "You imbecile! I won't let this happen!" The pale skin on her hands was being sliced to shreds, but she wasn't in any pain. All she cared about was getting the weapon away from Sasuke's grip.

Amane grabbed the long ponytail in front of her and tugged Sasuke's (or... I guess Itachi's) head back with great force.

"OUCH!" Sasuke yelled as he fell on top of Amane. "What the hell was that for?"

With this, Amane shoved the man off of her, keeping hold of the kunai, and stood up. Then, with one final tug, she thrust the kunai from his hand. It toppled across the floor.

"You let a little tug on your hair make you give up? I'm not encouraging you, but come on. Be a man!"

"Well, I'm sorry that I've never had all this hair to deal with in the first place! And I never would, if it weren't for you, weirdo!"

Amane got offended by the weirdest things.

A furious silence engulfed the two as they stared into each other's eyes. Suddenly, without warning, Amane pounced on Sasuke, slamming him against the dresser on the far wall. The picture frame that had been knocked over by the lamp fell onto the wooden floor and shattered.

"What the hell is WRONG with you? Pull yourself together, idiot!" As she said this, Amane held Sasuke's shirt collar and slapped him across the face multiple times.

"Ouch! Okay, okay!" Sasuke yelped. "I promise I won't do it again!" It was as if this girl had electric metal fists, so it really sucked to be Sasuke at the moment...

Amane abruptly stopped. When she wasn't busy looking sweet and timid, she could really look scary. "I'll make sure of that," she quietly stated.

Sasuke, knowing that he could never get away with his brilliant plan, sighed in disappointment.

The young girl solemnly seated herself on the edge of the bed, resting her forehead in both her hands. "Ugh. You hate me," she said quietly. Her voice was full of sorrow, and Sasuke almost felt sorry for her. "I'm supposed to be your guardian angel, and you hate me."

Sasuke opened his mouth to let her know that she was absolutely correct, but just then, she looked tirelessly up at Sasuke. "Look, Sasuke. I know how much you despise Itachi. Trust me."

"Hmph," Sasuke replied, looking away from Amane. She sighed and stared straight ahead from herself. "But he doesn't want to be in this situation, either. I feel like this is a great opportunity to learn more about him. And that goes the same for him."

Sasuke still ignored her. He studied the broken frame on the ground. Where was the picture that went inside? What was it of?

His first question was answered when he saw Amane looking down at a small piece of paper.

"Can I make you a deal?" Amane asked, looking back at Sasuke, who didn't answer back. "At least try to find some respect for your brother. That'll make this whole thing easier. And, once you do, I'll show you something that will reveal everything about him." She smiled mysteriously.

Sasuke sweatdropped, considering how wrong this sounded.

Upon seeing this, Amane's smile was wiped from her face. "No! No! NO! That is SO NOT what I meant! Like, not... PHYSICALLY. Ugh, I can't tell you anything else right now. Just... hm." She decided it would be best to stop talking.

There was an awkward silence, as if a gay baby had been born.

**:)**

That night, as Itachi was about to get in bed, he stopped, seeing a small piece of paper on his pillow.

_Itachi,_ it read. _This belongs to you. -Amane_

Itachi flipped the paper over, and saw a familiar picture. His mother, father and little brother all stood with him, smiling up at him.

Itachi closed his tired eyes and flopped over onto the bed, holding the picture to his heart. "Thank you," he said into the empty darkness.

He slept much better that night.

* * *

**Hello friends!**

**In the old version of this fanfiction, Orochimaru was a creepy rapist. I am very ashamed to say that, as rape should never be joked about. I would like to set something straight: yes, Orochimaru is still creepy in this version, but in a more subtle way. Meaning NO RAPE. No. Not funny. Ever.**

**Thanks for reading! I would appreciate your feedback, so please review :) Have a good day!**


	6. Itachi's New Most Awkward Moment Ever

Kabuto had a black eye.

Him, Orochimaru, and a disguised Itachi all sat around a circular table in the candle-lit kitchen in dead silence as Kabuto fumed in his own chair. Orochimaru and Itachi were both staring blankly at the angered shinobi, who was staring off into space, lost in his own hatred.

"Well? Aren't you going to tell us what happened? Orochimaru finally piped up.

Kabuto shook with rage. "Nar... u... to..."

That seemed to be the only thing that he could squeeze from his lips.

The tips of Orochimaru's eyebrows arched downwards. "So, they're trying to take Sasuke again, hmm?" His mouth twisted into a grimace, and his pasty cheeks turned red as he gritted his teeth and balled his hands into fists.

Kabuto glanced up at him, jealousy and rage in his eyes. "They will NEVER give up. EVER. That fox kid will do anything to get his best friend back, and there is NO stopping him. He's a flipping gennin, and he's flipping invincible. I just don't get it!"

Orochimaru slammed his fists on the table in frustration and shot up from his seat. "Dammit!" he cursed. Itachi was watching the whole scene, not quite knowing what to think. "They can't have Sasuke," Orochimaru insisted. "He is mine! His body is mine!"

Itachi felt an angry vein pop in his head.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" Orochimaru was talking about his LITTLE BABY BROTHER! In a very freakishly inappropriate way!

Now, it was Itachi's turn to slam his fists against the table and stand up. He glared daggers at Orochimaru, who just stared back.

"Oh, Sasuke," he quietly drawled. "Don't get all pissed off, now. I'm only trying to protect you." Orochimaru advanced, getting closer to Itachi. "And you know your fate, Sasuke-kun. What is the point in hiding it from you?" Now, Orochimaru was inches from his face. His long tongue slithered from his mouth and slid up the side of Itachi's face (or Sasuke's...)

Okay. That is just crossing the line.

"GET AWAY!" Itachi couldn't help but shriek. Just for the sake of protecting his brother, Itachi punched the disgusting old man in his snake-like face. The punch sent him flying through the wall.

"SASUKE!" Kabuto scolded. "Look what you've done!"

"What do you expect? The creep LICKED MY FACE!"

Kabuto shot Itachi one last dirty look before rushing through the broken wall to Orochimaru's side. "Orochimaru!" he cried in desperation. "Are you alright?!

"Augh! AUGH!" Orochimaru, with the help of his assistant, was now sitting up, staring furiously, yet desperately, at Sasuke.

The Uchiha promptly turned and dashed out of the kitchen and through the confusing halls, all the way to his brother's room. And all the while, he could hear Orochimaru screaming out his brother's name.

"SASUKE-KUN! WWWWHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY!"

_Crazy psychopath._

After what seemed like ages, Itachi finally stumbled upon the door to Sasuke's room. Shaking with fury, he slammed the door behind him, sweat dripping from his forehead.

Orochimaru was SO dead if he ever caught him hiding in Sasuke's closet. Itachi could relate...

Good thing the Uchiha's were both excellent shinobi!

Itachi stood against the door until his panting turned to normal breathing. He wiped sweat from his forehead with his hand and wiped it onto his white shirt, only to see it leave a streak of what looked like dirt.

"Aw, gross!" Why in the heck was Sasuke so dirty?

"What is your favorite pass time, Sasuke? Rolling in the mud?" Itachi, having somewhat of a strange hatred for dirtiness (he sure hides it well!) shook his head in disappointment. How could his little brother be so unclean?

"Foolish little brother," Itachi muttered. He couldn't stay like this! There was only one thing he could do to feel better.

Take a shower.

Sweatdropping with the horrid thought, Itachi wondered how he could possibly do this without seeing anything... embarrassing.

There had to be something he could do! But what? Thinking fast, Itachi walked across the room to where Sasuke's dresser was, and opened up the top drawer. Itachi was already embarrassed as he fished through several pairs of _unmentionables._ He wasn't sure what exactly he was looking for, until he pulled out something he never would have expected to find.

"A speedo?"

Why the HELL did Sasuke have a speedo?

No, seriously. Why.

_This will have to do_. Itachi felt his manliness disappearing as he shut the drawer and went into the bathroom connected to his room, speedo in hand.

**:)**

And somehow, he had managed to put it on without undressing. It was better than nothing, but Itachi had to make this FAST. He would be caught dead wearing a speedo!

Itachi turned the knob on the shower, and the showerhead sent hot water trickling over his skin.

_Much better_, Itachi watched as the clean water rushed over him.

Once Itachi was POSITIVE he was cleansed (it seemed like hours of upon hours had passed, as Sasuke was SO filthy), he turned off the shower, pushed the curtain aside, and stepped onto the tile floor.

Only to see a pair of crimson eyes staring back at him.

"GAH!" Itachi jumped in shock. His eyes flitted about the room, in search of a towel, but there was none. So, in his desperation, he snatched the bath rug from the floor and held it in front of him like a barrier. "What are you DOING? Peeping on my brother?" he yelled.

Amane had obviously not planned for this to happen. _How in the hell did I get here?_ she thought in utter humiliation. Internally, she beat herself up for her foolishness. "AUGH!" She covered her eyes. "No! What kind of person do you think I am?!" She covered her eyes with her tiny hands.

"What kind of person do you think _I_ am?!" Itachi heatedly replied. "Do you really have to check up on me right now?! Trust me! I got this speedo on through my pantleg!"

As he admitted this, he felt his soul die a little inside.

After an extremely awkward silence, in which Amane sweatdropped like crazy, Itachi threw the rug to the ground. "I'm not a pervert!" he insisted. "Seriously! Sasuke is my BROTHER! Why in the WORLD would I even WANT to see anything?!" He was beginning to get hysterical.

"Ew! Itachi, don't EVEN try putting that image in my head!"

"NO!" Itachi yelled back. "I wasn't trying to! Now YOU put an image in MY head! What the HELL?!"

"Itachi, I wasn't-"

"Go! Leave! Now!" In his rage, Itachi picked the rug back up and swung it at Amane, as though he were a knight fending a dragon off with a sword. Only his sword was nothing but a floppy rug. "I will NOT tolerate ANYONE peeping on my brother!"

"I came here to say I'm sorry! About the whole privacy thing! But I didn't want to peep, I swear!" Amane parted her fingers and squinted through them. "Hang on," she said, uncovering her eyes. "Did you say you're... wearing a speedo?" Sure enough, she saw that he was.

Silence. Then, Itachi flung the rug in Amane's face.

Oh, Itachi. Why would you do that.

Amane's cheeks darkened, and her eyebrows arched downwards. "Dammit, Itachi!" she yelled. "I said I was sorry!"

"Keep it down, will you?!" Itachi hissed, remembering Orochimaru. _Shit. What have I done?_

"You're a jerk! You and Sasuke BOTH! UGH!" In frustration at all the mistakes she had made, Amane stamped her foot and leaned against the wall, banging her head loudly in the process. "I can't do anything right!"

"Amane, shut up!" Itachi commanded.

"NO! You don't tell me what to do!" Amane's eyes flashed angrily up at Itachi. "I WILL NOT SHUT UP!"

"You're so immature!" Itachi yelled, running over to the crazy weirdo and clamping his hand over her mouth. "Stop acting like a two year old! Orochimaru will hear you!"

This shut Amane up instantly. They stayed in that position in suspenseful silence. This seemed to last forever.

Finally, Amane took Itachi's hand in both of hers and removed it from her lips. Orochimaru apparently hadn't heard all the commotion (he was sitting in his room with all this chocolate, angry and heartbroken), or he would have been at the Uchiha's side instantly...

Which was unwanted.

Amane closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall for a short moment. "I have to go," she said, turning to the door.

"Amane, wait." Before she could go anywhere, Itachi grabbed her wrist, and she spun around to look at him. He could see that she was blushing with embarrassment. "I know this was apparently all an accident," Itachi said, "but can you tell me when I'll have my own body back?"

Amane frowned and shook her head. "My sister told me that in order to get your body back, you have to take something out of this experience. It's something you have to learn for yourself, by yourself."

"But... how long will that take?"

"I can't say," Amane said forlornly. "Only you and Sasuke can do this. In time, everything will work out."

A silence passed between the two. Itachi let go of her wrist and wiped a tired hand over his eyes. When he looked back up, Amane had gone.

Then, with horror, remembered something else...

He had been wearing nothing but a speedo the entire time.

He sweatdropped.

* * *

**Hello everyone reading this!**

**I don't remember if I've already said this, but just in case, I'm going to say it again. I know that the characters in this story are very OOC (ESPECIALLY Itachi in this chapter!), but if I made them stay in character, the story wouldn't be the way it is. I want this to be more of a fun and lighthearted story than a sad and serious story, since sad and serious is what Itachi and Sasuke are all about in the manga. I like to think that they deserve a little better! Which is why the characters appear OOC in this here fanfic.**

**If this bothers you at all, I very much apologize. But this is kind of how it has to be if I want it to be a little more of a happy story.**

**Okay! Review :) I would appreciate any constructive criticism, or any comments from you. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Orochimaru Is A Creep

Another gay baby was born.

Poor Sasuke.

He was alone with Kisame in Kisame's room. But what made it so awkward...

"Kisame," Sasuke said.

The blue man looked up. "What is it, Itachi?"

"Um," he said awkwardly. "Why is everyone in the Akatsuki..." He held up his hand, "required to have purple nails?"

Kisame blinked at him. "Well, I'd think that you'd be used to it by now," he stated before looking back down at his own half-painted nails.

"It makes me feel gay," Sasuke said. "Like a cross dresser. A gay cross dresser," Sasuke whined, looking down at his ruined fingertips.

Kisame raised his eyebrow at the incognito Sasuke. "Why does it bother you so much all of a sudden? I mean, you've never said anything about it until today." Kisame brushed a shiny coat of purple polish over the index finger of his right hand and muttered, "I swear, something is wrong with you lately. Ever since we found you in Suna-"

"Wait, what about Suna?" Sasuke interrupted.

"Oh, no one told you?" Kisame looked slightly cross. "I WAS going to tell you a few days ago, but instead I ended up with a ruined cake and a bloody nose."

Sasuke shrugged. "Yeah, I don't know what came over me," he said casually as he sloppily coated his nails in dark purple.

Kisame watched as Sasuke struggled. "Dude, and now you can't even paint them? I'd think that after all these years..."

Sasuke looked up. "Um... I'm... having a hangover?"

There was another awkward silence.

"Nuh-uh," Kisame finally stated. "I swear, you have like, multiple personalities. Like I said, ever since we found you in Suna, you have been so frickin' weird."

_Augh, stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_ Sasuke felt like banging his head against the wall. He could hardly act like Itachi!

Kisame continued to paint his nails, not bothered by the situation. "Yeah, you know our last mission we were assigned?"

Sasuke nodded his head, not quite sure.

"Well, you were in your room being a big fat slowpoke, so I was just waiting for you. Then there was this huge crash. So I ran upstairs with Deidara and Hidan and... well, your window was completely shattered. And you were gone." Kisame screwed the nail polish lid on. "After getting a new window, we went to find you."

"Wait, hold up," Sasuke said. "You mean to tell me that getting a new window was the first priority?"

"Well..." Kisame trailed off, sweatdropping. "Um, anyways... yeah. The next day we found you by the gates of Suna. And dude, you looked pretty terrible. We still have no idea what happened... but I'm guessing that you don't either, considering how hard you must have hit your head. I mean, look at you, man! You can't remember much, and you're just so... different!"

Sasuke shrugged again. "So?"

Kisame was going insane. "SEE? That is just NOT you! And you've been doing weird things lately. Like walking around in your pajamas."

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. "That's weird?"

"YES!" Kisame practically yelled. "And you never tie your hair back anymore. Everything is different!"

The Uchiha combed his newly painted fingers through his long hair. "I don't know, it's just too much work to- Aw, CRAP!" Sasuke looked down at his nail polish, now smudged and messier than before. The nail polish left long, clumpy purple streaks in his hair.

"DANG IT!" Sasuke yelled, grabbing a pillow and throwing it across the room. "Does this mean I have to start all over again?!"

Then, there was silence. Kisame cocked his head to the side and uttered four words. "Son of a bitch."

And Sasuke took this to be a disrespectful diss against his mother and clan.

The young man stood up, rage filling his eyes as he looked down at his brother's teammate. "Don't you EVER say that to me again!" Then, much to Kisame's horror, he picked his lamp up off the dresser.

"Dude! What is it with you and trying to kill me with LAMPS?!" Kisame shrieked as Sasuke tackled him onto the wood-paneled floor, hitting him rather vigorously on the head. His eyes seemed to have fire in them.

"You. Are. Such. A. ****ing. Whore." Every word had its own hit to poor, innocent Kisame's spiky blue head.

The shark man looked around (as much as he was limited), desparately looking for something to defend himself with. Itachi was much stronger than Kisame thought when it came to tackling! He was beginning to draw BLOOD! Lucky for him, he saw his awesome shark-skin sword, resting in the corner by his closet and barely out of reach. As he extended his hand toward it, his fingertips brushed the handle. He was beginning to feel rather giddy, although he was still getting beaten to a bloody pulp by his partner.

Yes! His hand was now wrapped around the handle-

But too bad the two of them were behind the door. This was especially unfortunate for Kisame.

Because right then, the door swung precariously open, squishing Kisame hard against the wall.

And there stood Kakuzu.

"Itachi," Kakuzu said coldly, peering around the door. He didn't seem phased in the slightest at the strange sight of Itachi straddling Kisame on the ground and beating him in the head with a lamp. "Leader-sama wishes to speak to you," he said.

Sasuke nodded, then gave one last blow to Kisame's head before standing up and DROPPING the lamp on it again. Then he walked outside the room with Kakuzu. The door slammed behind them, leaving poor Kisame alone, lying on the ground, to wallow in his own pain and misery.

Well, at least Samehada didn't land on him after that.

Whoops! Too late... D:

**:)**

Itachi sat on the branch of a tree high off the ground. What was Sasuke doing now?

He wouldn't have guessed that his little brother was violently beating his friend with a lamp.

So instead, he sat and thought about his brother, staring into the night sky, and trying to forget the events that transpired that day...

"Orochimaru." Itachi knocked on the door to the freak's bedroom. He wore a permanent frown, wanting nothing but to get out of the pedophile's reach.

Unfortunately, Orochimaru was sick, and Kabuto had FORCED Itachi to be nice and take him the soup that Kabuto had slaved over all morning.

But why wasn't he answering the door? Not even a sound could be heard from the other side.

"Open up," Itachi said in a monotone voice. "Kabuto made you a... special treat?" Itachi shook his head. He felt like a complete idiot. "Seriously, are you so sick that you can't even say anything?" Perhaps he was asleep.

Hoping he wouldn't be scarred for life, Itachi squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away as he turned the doorknob with one hand and balanced the tray in the other. Then he carefully inched his way into the room.

_Let's get this over with fast_, Itachi thought. Slowly and carefully, he opened one eye just a crack. Orochimaru was nowhere in sight. And he could feel no chakra.

Then again, being in Sasuke's body made it difficult to do anything ninja-y.

Itachi opened both eyes and looked around the large room. No one was anywhere in sight.

_I guess I'll just leave the soup_, Itachi thought, walking to the nightstand to set down the tray. He was about to leave, when he noticed something on Orochimaru's bed. It was an open square box, a lid resting next to it. But that's not what caught his eye.

A garment was slung over the edge of the box. Had Itachi seen it before?

Picking it up, Itachi realized that he had indeed seen it before.

"Sasuke's speedo?" Dropping the swimwear in shock, Itachi fished through the box some more. All articles of clothing appeared to belong to Sasuke! There were pants, shoes, and, what pissed Itachi off most... _unmentionables_.

"What the HELL?!" Itachi snapped aloud. "This is CREEPY!"

He had a feeling this wasn't the worst thing in his brother's sensei's room...

Keeping an eye out for hidden cameras, Itachi turned and dashed out of the room at lightning speed. He had to run before the creep got back!

That is why Itachi spent the entire rest of the day, high up and hidden by branches and leaves. Hopefully Orochimaru wouldn't sense his chakra or anything...

Sure, the Akatsuki was full of some annoying wackos, but Orochimaru's lair was the creepiest place he had ever and would ever reside.

All he knew was that he couldn't have his little baby brother staying with THAT THING for much longer. At some point, and hopefully it would be soon, he had to get out of there.

"Sasuke! I can see you up there!" an annoyingly familiar voice called.

"SHIT!" was all Itachi could say back.

* * *

**Sorry for the super random ending! The beginning with Sasuke and Kisame hasn't changed from the original (I've added a few very small things), but I HAD to change the end. It's not my favorite, but it's better than the AWKWARDNESS of before... *shudders at memory***

**Anyways, I know it's still creepy. But that's how Orochimaru is in this particular fanfiction. So... yes.**

**Any tips on anything I can do better? Or just random comments? Go ahead and review! Thanks for reading! :)**


	8. Cancellation

**To whom this may concern,**

**Hello! It's erinkateeboo, and I am writing this message regarding the rewrite I've been working on for this fanfiction.**

**First of all, I would like to thank those of you who have read, and the one reader who posted a review :) Although it didn't get many favorites, reviews, or alerts, I was very happy that some of you decided to add this story.**

**However, I began this rewrite more as an experiment to see if it would be as successful the second time around. Unfortunately, it wasn't. Honestly, it is difficult for me to be motivated when not many are reviewing and telling me my strengths/weaknesses, or what they like/dislike about the story.**

**I'm not saying this to complain, nor is this the only reason I'm cancelling this fanfiction- I tried to get back into Naruto when I began writing this, so that I could remember everything I had forgotten. Yes, it's an enjoyable anime, but it's mostly something to watch when I run out of things to do. Basically, I've lost my passion for it.**

**Once again, thanks to those who have read this rewrite of mine :) Lastly, I would like to invite those of you who are reading this, and who play Harvest Moon to check out my new fanfiction I'll be writing! It is based on the game Harvest Moon: Animal Parade, and something that happened to me in my game. Haha...**

**Peace out, and good luck with everything! If anyone wants me to check out their page, I would be delighted :)**

**~erinkateeboo**


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